Family Traditions

It's time to make some new memories.

Today I turned thirty. Today I started a new tradition. Today I drove with my mom, my Auntie Judy and India, out to the farm that my Oma and Opa used to own. We each picked out our own Christmas tree, chopped it down, hauled it to the van, tied it down and brought them home.
What woman!
What women the three of us are.

After doing battle with a failed kidney and subsequent transplant with health problems for twenty years, my uncle - Auntie Judy's husband- died two years ago. She is raising three very difficult foster boys on her own now. She is kind, faithful, generous and compassionate.

My mom, oh heavens my mom, has lived with terrible difficulties and heartaches for her entire adult life. Somehow, she has remained (or grown?) gentle, self-sufficient, forgiving and hopeful.

Me. It's been a hard couple of years and I have some horrible moments of selfish, needy, insecure awfulness but right now, at this moment on my thirtieth birthday, I am going to choose to remember that I have decided to move towards forgiveness, kindness, courage, openness and over everything, everything, everything, love. Love and all the depth of meaning contained in that word.

We went out on our own and chopped down a tree. Our trees. I sliced into mine and the air filled with the scent of Christmas. My mom and Aunt were off on their own, slicing at their choices. We all came together, warmed and excited, each amazed at our own abilities. "I can't believe it was so easy."

We are three wounded women trying to deal with three different losses. We share physical features, a history of family and somewhere our genes reflect each other. I feel bound to them. Not only because they are family but because I need them to show me how to do this. I need to do this with them.

India ran through the bushes laughing, squealing, delighted with the day and our adventures. I looked at her and I thought about the Christmas I was creating for her, the traditions I was passing on and I felt such peace.