To the Gods with Skin On

Tonight, my heart is full of gratitude. India is in bed sleeping (which always makes me feel grateful), I had a day to myself to go to breakfast, out to a movie, spend some gift certificates and enjoy driving in my car without listening to "Children's Songs From Around the World". The Christmas tree is twinkling and I'm about to listen through a new c.d. I bought this afternoon and then do some reading.
But I am full of gratitude because I have been so loved and so held by you, my friends, that I feel unworthy and overwhelmed by your kindness and generosity and care. All of the letters and emails and phone calls and visits this season have been so appreciated. I have learned so much about love from the love I have received from you all, in gifts of grace and listening ears and patience with my pain and disappointments. You have given me time to myself, time with you, love for my daughter, patience in my obsessive selfishness, money (MONEY! Oh, my friends, none of you are wealthy and I know you gave out of your own need. Thank you so much), forgiveness in my thoughtlessness, permission to fail, permission to be angry, permission to "fuck the list," a place to sleep in my travels, thoughtful questions, thoughtful answers and encouragement that reaches down to my toes and pulls me up by my bootstraps, so that I don't have to do it alone.
Christmas is hard. It's so full of "should have been,"s and "if only,"s and "Oh God, I don't know how to do this." I felt so needy and grasping and ashamed of my need, but you have all been my grace and courage and God with skin on, and I thank you. I am humbled by your love.
So grateful.
So in awe.
Blessings.