Thursday, March 02, 2006
Every Time I Look at You I Squint, You Are That Beautiful
It looks like maybe you've packed my soul down double measure, tight and overflowing. It looks like I'm not going to starve after all. It looks like I still cry a lot, but man, do I ever laugh a lot, and look out the window in amazement, and remind myself to breathe, and find words for the you I see in the heavy steam that can't rise in the winter air, and my play dough playing girl, and her sweet skinny-lipped kisses, and that sun, that persistent sun that pinches my happy eyes shut, and warms my spine, warms my bed, wraps me up tight and heats those naked feet of mine that are so afraid of how cold they can get. You are beautiful and kind. Kinder than anything I've ever tasted.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
I love the positive beauty and outlook that you exude, and the ways that you appreciate things and share them. Makes me appreciate those things around me too when I am too used to taking them for granted.
Thanks Jodi. I try so hard to only write what I'm thinking and feeling and not worry too much about what someone reading it might think, so it's nice to know that my thoughts aren't so in my own head that they are meaningless to other people, hey?
...and now I'm thinking about blogging and readers and writing and purpose and non-blogging writing and readers and it's only 8:30 in the morning.
Jodi, when you get around to it, I'd like to know why you blog and who you do it for.
Wow. That's such a thoughtful question. I am gathering my purpose as I go, I guess.
But so far, in my limited history of being a blogger, I would say that I blog for a sense of community, a sense of belonging, a sense of sharing my life with those that I hold dearest, and a therapeutic-tinge to boot.
It's an easy way to communicate with so many people at one time and not have to resay things, but also, it's a sense of being able to share freely--at least more free than if I were just to call someone up and start up a conversation. Conversations need time to warm up and get to the good stuff, ya know? I've always been so much better with things that are in print when it comes to expressing myself. When Dan and I have a doosey of an argument, it usually comes down to him receiving a letter from me to voice how I feel (I think we talked about that.) Just an uninterrupted outlet.
But also, the blog is a faceless outlet, as it were. Not as though one person is going to hold me accountable or react. No one has to if they don't want to. That's comforting too--no sense of obligation of a conversation if what I say doesn't warrant it.
And I guess I also do it as an outlet. It's just nice to be able to live outside of Dan and I on such a regular basis. If that makes sense. That there's more people in my life to speak into what's going on in my heart and head. Gives me a sense of balance and connectedness.
All in all, I guess it's fair to say that through this response, I can see that I am enjoying the blogging. I still feel really self-conscious writing, both in content and form, but I have to just come to terms with the fact that my friends are just that--friends, and they aren't necessarily judging me for any weaknesses. And that what I am writing about is important to me, so hopefully my friends will respect that much at least--even if it isn't the most beautiful and thought-provoking prose they're ever read.
That was really long-winded. Hope it was all somewhat interesting and not just rambling. (There's that insecurity kicking in!)
p.s. Dan's away for the weekend leaving me with a big empty night to fill... could account for some of the rambling. ; )
Thanks Jodi, not rambling at all. Helpful and appreciated.
I think you're right on the money, Jodi.
You hacked into my brain!
Post a Comment