It's 12:55 am and really, I shouldn't be posting at this time of the night. I'm starting to realize that pretty much past 11:00, I'm an emotional banana brain. This is the time of night when telling you, my dear reader, all my deepest and scariest little secrets, seems like a perfectly logical idea. It's that time when I vomit my fear all over the screen and then, have to wake up in the morning and clean up the mess. Still...I have over nine and a half hours to kill, I've checked, and double checked, and triple checked, your blogs, don't feel like doing homework, can only dance by myself for so long and, forgot my book at home. So, let's divulge, shall we?
The Deep, the Dark, the, In Need of Laundering, Random Bits Of Information About Angela
1. I have a wart on my right index finger. It embarrasses me, but I can't get rid of the damn thing.
2. Book stores and music stores used to scare me. I didn't think I belonged in them.
3. I read Ivanhoe in grade nine because I wanted to sound smart. Liking it was an unexpected bonus.
4. All things sex, mess me up now. I worry I will be like this for ever.
5. I have a GINORMOUS toenail on my big toe. It's really quite ridiculous.
6. I always forget which state is below Alberta.
7. I haven't been drunk in years.
8. I've never used an illegal drug. Not even a little suck of anything. Ever.
9. Some days, I have a hard time not believing all men are like my dad and my ex-husband. I try hard to be friends with nice ones I meet, to remind myself that they're not all bad.
10. Good music/good books, make me want to kiss someone. Anyone, sometimes.
11. I never have/never will, kiss someone I'm not all starry-eyed over.
12. I look forwards to growing up, someday, and to stop writing about love and kissing as if I were thirteen AGAIN.
13. I really miss being married to my best friend.
14. I'm scared it was my fault.
15. Emotional banana brain, has now eaten my regular brain for supper.
Good night, and good night, and good night.
***File under: Damage Control
Dear Boy Friends,
Um, in regards to number nine, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I know it hurts your feelings when I say things like that. I really do like you, for more than just your ability to easethat painful wound (as if you were only an ointment). I love your generous heart, and kind brain, and intentional living that makes me want to shape up, try out a new idea, relax, shut up, be a little more like you.
I'm sorry I get so nervous.
I think you're a doll - heart, brain, and skin.
Ang
02/10/06
3 comments:
I love you and your emotional banana brain. I have the same affliction after 11pm.
Problem is, I have something resembling it all the other hours of the day too.
shan,
funny thing here. i was thinking about you as i drove home from work today - i was actually writing in my head what it is i like about you, and in my head i said, "one of the things i like about shannon is that she doesn't try to hide from her feelings. she says, good and bad, just what she thinks, what she needs, what she wants. i love that. i was bouncing around anonymous blogs, again, last night (yes, this is all still me writing in my head) and could see, so easily, people afraid to name their needs and say - THIS is what i am really trying to say, no cover ups, protection, excuses. i understand the fear behind that kind of writing, but I absolutely love that shannon is so upfront about herself - she wants to show off some cute new pj's, so she does - no excuses. she wants to show off her kid, she does. good news, bad news, she just shares it. i love that. i think it's fantastic!"
now. it sounded much better in my head, but, i hope you get the drift of it all.
take care, my friend.
Gosh.
I needed to hear that today.
Thanks, Ang. Thanks.
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