Good Bye My (Literary) Lover

Dear Doug(las Coupland),

Writing this letter is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Sort of. I've been thinking of this for a long time now, in fact, ever since I read "All Families Are Psychotic", which was almost a year ago. I've been feeling uncomfortable about our relationship and trying to fill in the holes with all the good memories of, "Hey Nostradamus!" but that's just not going to work anymore. I don't want to hurt you, but I can't live this lie anymore. I don't feel for you what I once did.

I began to suspect you of clumsy prose and awkward dialogue in "All Families..." but I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. We all have bad days, bad ideas, flaws. But I picked up "jPod" almost two months ago, and only just finished it. It was painful. The self-indulgent gibberish pages of print and stream of thought(less) jabberwocky were irritating and juvenile, the storyline overly familiar, and plot, blase. All of this I would have forgiven, even gladly so, had I fallen in love with the characters. Any of the characters. One of the characters. But, sadly, I could not.

Now please, don't be unkind. I am not a brainless oaf. I realize that the meandering meaninglessness of the lives of the "jPod" crew is in fact, the entire point of the book. I get it. I got it in fact after twenty pages. Unfortunately, there were a couple hundred more of the same thing to pound it into my brain.

What I am trying to say, in my admittedly wandering way, is that it is over. I am no longer, "One of Your Biggest Fans." I'm sorry. I will always care for you. Respect you. Wonder how you are, and what you're up to, but I just don't feel like I can commit to an, "us" anymore.
Forgive me.

I promise to always treasure our time in "Generation X", "Hey Nostradamus!" and "Life After God" as some of the most beautiful moments in my literary journey. I wish you the best and look forward to seeing you in the movies - if you get that arts grant you're after.

Take care,
Angela Stewart
(former fan)