Let me preface this by saying right off that I think breasts are terrific, and though I can't completely understand most men's fascination with them, I do think they are lovely and I'm glad I have them, such as they are.
But I also think (generally speaking) that everyday cleavage is kind of gross. Now, there is a time for everything, but in most situations cleavage looks tacky and awkward and makes me uncomfortable, and I've got some ( or it, or them. Is cleavage plural?). But, I have this little problem. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I put on a big ol' pair of cleavage blinders when I shop.
I don't like wearing shorts. In fact, this is the only pair of shorts I own, and I wear them to bed. But I love sun dresses, so I wear them a lot, and I just went out and bought three pretty dresses, and twice I wore them to church, two different dresses, and twice I realized all the women were staring at my breasts, because only the women stare in church. Heh. The nasty cleavage brute had struck again. And again I thought to myself, "How in the heck does this happen?"
I can't even take my mom shopping to help me out because she's got even bigger cleavage blinders than I do. I think it's because she's the most innocent person I know. I could wear a dress with a neckline down to my knees and she would say, "Oh, no one will notice. It's cute." And my friends are no help either. It's like we all just lose our heads at the sight of a pretty dress and a great price, and ignore the fact that the only place I could wear it would be a monster truck rally.
I dunno. It's not like I want to wear turtlenecks all the time, but sheesh, I've got this closet full of dresses and no one to take me to the smash 'em up derby.
Woe is me. What is a girl to do?
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18 comments:
I think it, one, between them. I mainly know I have less of it than when I was younger, but I'm with you on wanting a tasteful(? that sounds old and decrepit) neckline yet on a fun and flouncy top/dress/etc. Let me know if you find any.
i know! i ain't 90, and i like how i look, but c'monnnnn.
Embrace it, I say. Even when I do wear turtle necks I somehow end up with cleavage. After beating myself up for years, I decided, "What the hell! I've got them and what does covering them up DO? It's like, pretending I don't get a period by hiding my tampon up my sleeve on the way to the bathroom. WHY HIDE THESE THINGS."
Okay, so, I'm still trying to embrace them and I'm not as bold as I sound, but I sure wish I were. It would take up a lot less brain energy.
I've always thought you look classy. Always.
Cleavage blinders!-- Sounds like something out of Seinfeld. I love it!
shan,
i think i would rather someone else embrace my cleavage. preferably a someone with stubble.
ann, ha!
I have the same problem (with the blinders... alas, not with the cleavage). My answer has been to keep the top/dress and wear a little cami under it, just enough to cover up the monster-truck look. At least for church. On the other hand, if I had cleavage, I might want to show it off...
well ang I'm sure we could find you a good demo derby to wear all those purty lil dresses. I would have to agree with cristina a camisol looks good under, but then what do I know the family joke is god wore out when he got to me. :)
I've often rued the fact my cleavage is sorely lacking... but the layered look is TOTALLY in now, so I buy plunging tops, and where I have nothing to hold them up with, a layer away with a singlet/cami or two. (As a side issue, I personally think that the layered look is a ploy by shops to get us to spend more money on more clothes... but it works for the cleavage. And one cleavage, two breasts no?)
I laughed out loud as I read this,(we must have been raised in the same household?) because I'm wearing a shirt that whenever Jeff sees me he says "Hey Boobies!!"
What to do?
Caroline
I think this is hilarious..since I just stood in front of the mirror for fifteen minutes yesterday trying to decide how I ever thought the three new shirts I bought for fall from Old Navy were going to work..somehow in the store, the ol' cleavage seemed workable, but in the stark light of day on my way out the door of the house reality arrived ..now I trying to figure out how to "layer" with a not entirely distracting and yet somewhat covering tank top...ah, Angela thanks again for saying it out loud!
You are AMEN right about women being the only ones who stare in church...or at least the only ones who stare with some sort of judgment behind it. Ugh.
Unfortunately I have no advice since unfortunately I could wear a shirt with neckline down to my ankles and it would probably still look like I was just showing off my back....;-)
cristina - maybe it's like the curly hair straight hair thing - you always want what you don't have?
lil' kim god wore out. ha! that's a good one. i must have come up with it. i think you're doin' alright lately, aren't you?
cecily - one cleavage but one pant(s)? phef on english, i say.
caroline, hey. boobies. that's funny. let me guess, he smacks you on the ass right after and you say, "jeff, that hurt!" i started writing this post in my head after we were sitting in church at nate's dedication and we both looked down at our dresses, tugged and said, "wow, this seemed less low at home." it's true about mom, hey?
lisa, "workable cleavage." i love it. like play dough or an unruly child.
leisel, your back! heh, heh, heh. that made me giggle. i personally think small breasts are the nicest, but, that's probably small comfort to you. no pun intended!
i'm lucky though. the ladies in my church are fabulous. the looks i get are more like, "well, if she can get away with that, then i'm gonna wear this!"
Hey Ang- I think I may have been the one to gently usher you into the "yeah this is nice- I could wear this to church" Honestly - that green dress really did look nice & lots of tarty but repentant women went to church- I learned that in Bible study. So are you repentant? HAHA I am so very funny.... Seeing as my bazoombas (as I like to call them- though knockers are also ok) start just below my chin I have no choice but to embrace the cleavage.
Were you ever shocked by some of the names people come up with for boobs? Lou made the uncomfortable revelation that my dad calls them 'puppies' YUUUUUUCK!! Ok I gotta go clean my brain now. (knockers sounds much more classy...hehe)
Hasta Manana!
by the way I just spell checked this in Word- all my words were correct with a few minor acceptions. The most notable being 'bazoombas' , Word suggested that I try 'biomass' instead.
I should own stock in tank tops... It seems everything I buy requires one underneath!
My wife, who's more than generously endowed, has taken to commenting how nice it is to be at an age when nobody seems to care about her cleavage. I have all I can do to keep from destroying her little fantasy every time I see a young lad snap his neck painfully hard, just to get a better view:):)
Oh my......this is a fun post and a fun comment forum.
Helping my young daughters buy clothes has changed from fun to whoa mama that's low! and back to the rack it goes. And that's THEM talking!
Suppose some bright genius type person in the fashion industry is reading and will strike gold coming up with a solution for this dilemma??
biomass! haahahahahaha. oh, that just opens up so many possibilities for me.
kimberly,i know, i know! i've got tank tops under tank tops over here. i'd rather give you my money, though.
mike, you are officially the, "bravest man in the world" for entering this discussion. hats off to you and your hot wife!
cherie, i remember the day i walked into my parents bedroom before church one morning and my dad started laughing when he saw my tiny, low cut dress. i didn't end up wearing it to church, but i did manage to wear it to a play out of town. you're girls sound sweet, and your husband is a lucky daddy!
Ankle length, turtleneck jumpers, preferably denim. That was one of our male student's suggestions when we asked for input on a dress code. His desire for this outfit had less to do with modesty and more to do with wanting to watch the girls try to play soccer in those outfits. Love that kid! Speaking as the "dress code enforcer" around here (world's WORST job ever), my observation is that we women aren't trying to show too much-- we get distracted by a lovely garment and forget to check for what can be seen until we're in public and look down (or see someone else doing that!) Beauty is important-- it just seems really hard to find beautiful, modest clothes that don't look dorky. :)
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