Pretty Presents

I've been thinking about love lately: about the ways in which we categorize and value love. I was talking with a friend on Monday when she said that she didn't see how any man could love a child that wasn't his own, as if it were his own. I think she realized mid-sentence whom she was talking with - me - and then tried to back out of it. I let it drop.

But it got me thinking of that idea of "own". "Own" seems to confuses some ideas of love. It, obviously, creates ownership, which in turn encourages rights, and expectations, and desires to be satiated. It creates boundaries and burdens. I do not like love as a burden. I do like the idea of gifting people with love and being gifted with love.

It seems to me, that the point of life, is love. Love God. Love people. Love self. When we get tangled up, it is because of lack of love, or misplaced love - love of self before love of God, or love of others instead of loving self: all those nasty combinations that get us crying and grasping, stealing and killing. And I think of this in terms of love for children, specifically, my child; my Love. I have gifted her with love. I give it to her with so much joy and uncomplicated pleasure. I do not give it to her so that she can fill in any aches in my own heart, or so she can be my proof that my life has meaning.

It is very easy for me though, to jump into ideas of ownership with her life. The responsibilities of teaching her to grow in God, and body, and mind, could easily convince me that she owes me certain amounts of "love" for these favours, thus rendering all of my love, duty, instead of gift. But I do not own her. Any love she gives to me, is a gift.

Of course, I also think about love in terms of me, "falling" in love again. The thought of doing so makes me very nervous, and I'm not so sure I can swing it, gift or not. But I don't worry about a man loving India as if she were his "own" anymore. I don't want him to. We are called to love, and love throws out ownership, colouring us all vulnerable with these outstretched hands of ours - giving and recieving. We bestow what we have, release what we can, take a step back, hold our breath, and say, "Thank you".