1. Use the word "bastard". Use it well. Use it often. Do not use it on friends who don't appreciate it as the endearing term you intend it to be. You love your friends, even if they don't love your Sailor mouth.
2. Do not use the words "cunt", "pussy" or "dick". These are "body part cusses" that only tacky sailors with missing teeth, and tattoos of naked women/men use.
3. Ass is an exception to rule #2, mostly because they are so ridiculous. Asses are fantastic. The word ass is fantastic.
4. You may use the word "shit," but with caution. If used carelessly, the word produces a comic response, other than the desired dramatic one.
5. "Bitch" is a mean word. Only bitches use the word "bitch". I would stay clear of it, unless you want to begin to wear lots of make-up, froofy, poofy hair, and hold your smoke, while wearing a leather jacket from the early 90's.
6. It is not becoming of an Angela Sailor to address her swearing at a person. Inanimate objects and painful situations are acceptable.
7. Don't swear when you are angry, and then write it down before you've had time to cool off. You will regret it. You will feel bad about hurting someone. You will think about it for much longer than you should.
8. Swear loud and long when your father tells you that God told him, to tell you, you are a bad person.
9. Use the word "fuck" with gusto! It is another fantastic word, and contrary to popular opinion, not foolproof evidence that you hate Jesus, and are going to hell.
10. NEVER. NEVER, use the word "Jesus" or "God" as a swear. You were raised a Baptist, and so, know that that would make Jesus, very, very sad, and he is our favorite, ass-kicking bastard-God, ever.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
13 comments:
A-ha! You just called me a bastard again! You little turtle shit! I'll get you.
I disagree with #5. I like to call my girl friends (the ones I love the mostest) bitches (to their face) when their being sassy with me. We both like it. It's HOT. It means LOVE. And lots of bonding.
(but, I have made a mental note to never call you a bitch, even if it translates into love for me, because clearly it would not make you feel loved, and, i respect that.)
tutle shit! haaaaaa. you can't fool me. you love your turtles, meaning, their shit ain't so bad, meaning, you think i'm FABULOUS!
thanks man.
shan, i've never been called a bitch, in love. i think if it were a "love-bitch", it would be funny as hell. and bonding. and HOT.
whatever. bitch.
(there: did you feel it? did you feel the loooooove? hot, hey?)
O.k., you're right- that's not a particularly convincing cuss. You're awesome turle stinky!
Shit. Now I know you're not a Christian. (Guess that means I'm out now, too...)(I tell my kids not to call people "poo poo"-- where does that word fit in your rules?)
F---, Angela!
Your the funniest smart a-- I ever heard.
paj
ps, i can't bring myself to curse, just yet. When Jeremy finally leaves me, I will write an entire blog with only curse words so that my sadness will be known through-out the universe.
shan,
HOT!
love, love, love.
christy,
poo poo?
grodie, man.
um. by the way, how do you spell grodie? (rhymes with jody)?
paj, so, is he leaving for absolutely sure, then?
when?
yes, for sure. could be as soon as 2 weeks, or a couple months. I'll know forsure by this weekend. Damn, this breaks my heart. WOW! I did it ! ! !
Thanks; this is the comprehensive tool I've looked for! (As a PK my proper education sorely lacked.) Your blog found my screen because of Joel's blog, who is starting Gutenberg College, where my daughter goes, and who writes amazingly, and whose blogger friend does, too, I noticed. I've just spent an hour unable to stop browsing your posts. Very wonderful.
oh bulloxs!
thanks deanna. i'm glad i could help. you pk's have got it tough.
um. bulloxs yourself, crazy kid. what's with that?
Post a Comment